Monday, June 20, 2016

Wait, what?

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This is coming out of nowhere, or so it may seem. What is coming out of nowhere? This post - the fact that I actually opened up Blogger and started to type. Somehow,we went from hitting a couple hundred views per day this summer to a whopping 50 (on a good day) right now, nearly a year later. Strange how these things work - how life starts to change, how you let go and hope that one day you might regain control of something so seemingly insignificant as the lifestyle blog you began almost a year and a half ago in hopes of one day becoming the next Carly Cardellino (if you know, you know) and curating or publishing content at a big shot magazine.

So what's the deal? Does this (The PDX Belle) not matter anymore - all the time and effort, photoshoots, relationships created, and candid words?

Not the case.

This year has been one for the books. If you've been around long enough, you know that I spent the past fall semester studying abroad in Austria - and if you paid attention, you would know that this little semester (so tiny in the scheme of things) had a bit of an impact on my general outlook.

The eating and exercise habits that had me dreaming about competing in IFBB bikini competitions last year (this is a little-known fact if there ever was one) stemmed from a breakup in January 2015 and resulted in me missing out on the vast majority of activities with my friends - tracking every single calorie that went into my body didn't allow for alcohol or late-night Sheetz runs, and working out after closing retail shifts every weeknight (including Fridays) didn't allow for spending much time with the girls. It took spending four months in Salzburg to kick these habits and learn how to love myself (something I still struggle with) with an extra five pounds or a new dress size. Disclaimer - if you love yourself first, there's nothing wrong with working out and counting your macros. That's the key.

So getting to now - breaking up with your best friend of 3 years isn't easy. Watching your family experience some nasty, heartbreaking structural shifts isn't easy. And facing the "real world" after a series of setbacks and quarter life crises hasn't been easy, either. The photo above is from a year ago, and it isn't representative of the way I look now. Getting in front of a camera and smiling to model an adorable boutique's newest dress doesn't sound fun right now, because I know I would look at the photos and dislike what I see. I'm in transition between home (Portland) and Richmond, hoping to find a job sometime soon, and wondering what the next step will be. My suitcases aren't unpacked just yet, and they may not be for a while.

But until then, The PDX Belle (the blog, not me) is going to need a little inspiration and revamping. If you stuck with this post long enough, maybe you have some ideas - maybe you knew The PDX Belle before Austria and before senior spring - and you can help us get back to a happy, healthy place.

Cheers - and thanks for your support!


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